Easier?

Things don't get easier. Or make any more sense. You just learn to live with it.

Like a war victim without a leg or an arm. You can't forget, but you learn to navigate through life without it.

Last night was hard. Today is hard. It's harder going through it and watching someone you love hurt and ache.

Their face twists, their body, their limbs, their heart. You can see it, watch it, hear it. Ever heard a heart break? I have. It's awful.

And to be hurting, and hurting that someone that you love is hurting? And hurting more because there's nothing you can say or do to help?

That's a lot of hurting. But it's true.

And you don't have answers. You don't know what to say or do. There's nothing, no comfort, no solace.

All things take time, but what peace does that bring? It's getting through the time that's so hard.

Well....that and it's rainy.....that never helps. (Smile here?)

Life is still beautiful. I know this. There are beautiful things, friends, family, sun, the funny things the children say all around me. The kitten my co-workers fished out of a drain. The rose bush we planted for Avery here at school that constantly has a rose on it.

There's beauty in life. But there's an ache. A deep deep, hollow, consuming ache.

Wanting to share that beauty with your son. Your Avery. And knowing he knows, but you never got to show him, or be part of that.

O SHUSH! Those who are saying "Who better to show them than God?" ME!!! His Mommy! And his incredible, amazing, loving, doting father!! I know God could do a much better job, but we would have loved the chance.

You just get through it. Like forgiveness. Send it up to God. Send it back to the One who knows.

He better meet me and Jared at the Gate and explain it all. And He better come with Our buddy.

Love to those who ache, miss. Who feel like their centers have turned into a black hole; a gravitational nothing, pulling in all that is bright and shiny, and sucking it into darkness. There are still stars, I promise, there are no answers, no words, but there are still stars.

God I just life Jared and I up to you. Sew us together and closer to you. Give us and grant us repose. Find it in Your favor to grant us some of the desires of our hearts, a bit of joy.

Hold our son close. Hold those close with children in heaven. Heal us whole and not bitter. Grant us peace, for we can have no understanding.

Kiss our Avery for us.
We love you and trust in you. Amen
Meghan