Musing Part 5

I hope I explained myself clearly.

I shed my obsession when I realized that God lives in me and wants to work through me in all things. Somethings He gives to me and the ability He has blessed me with to take care of, like teaching, organizing the gastroschisis NPO, loving Jared, and worshipping. Somethings, like the aching and yearning, He puts in me to make me more reliant and receptive to Him and His plan. He does want us to have another baby. Many more, but that ache is to draw me closer to Him so He can love me and carry me through like only He can and only He wants to. It's like the song "How He loves" and the first Commandment reads- He is jealous for me. He wants me and my all.

So I have to quit the obsession and the me part of the ache and rest in Him. So He can act and do and be.

Through it all, He can bear His glory, but only if I put the me aside and show the Him. If I do as He compels without asking but answering. If I feel as He would feel and not as me bearing it for myself. He is achieving through me and I have to show that it is Him. Because, obviously, when I do it for me and myself I get lost and crazy.

And really tired.

So I'm leaving the sanctuary. And I'm starving and exhausted. Ready to rest, like Hannah, ready to eat, like Hannah. I can make my promise now because it's truly is for God's glory as He lives in me, and not as a means to an end.

A bubble bath my friends.

I love Avery, I love Jared, I love our family, our friends, our Church family, our work family, all the little things that go right that I forget to see. I love God. God if I haven't fully thanked you for all that you have provided for me and us for, search my soul and heart now for the gratitude that immerses my soul. You are Holy.

Love, Amen, Goodnight.

Meghan