Ideas on how to help us....what to say

I sound so dag-on depressing. And now I suppose I sound manic, but!

I figured I should state the obvious because the obvious is being missed.....maybe it's not that obvious then?

Everyone keeps saying "Jeez girl! You're so skinny! I wish I could get that way."

Let's just stop and try and figure out why that is. Hahaha. It's call the super stressed diet. So it's really not fun to be this skinny, probably because I'm not eating and sleeping much these days.

So no, I don't think you really wish you could get this way. Right?

I think it's other's times of great sorrow that are the opportunity to learn to think outside of yourself. It's time to have to courage to not relate yourself to another but really try and empathize and walk in anothers shoes. What is that person going through and how would I feel if I was going through that. As opposed to I experienced something similar. Don't relate, empathize.

That being said, if you've lost your baby in a similar to the way I've lost mine, then you know and you are able to relate.

But everyone knows someone who's died, someone that was closely related to you or maybe a friend. But that's nothing like loosing your own child. That type of loss is very sad and troubling. But it's a totally different pain, and a completely different perspective.

I hope that explains a little better why it's not beneficial for someone to try and relate to us, but to empathize.

It is a really scary thing to try and do, and I realize that. Not many people want to think about their lives without their children, or what they would do if their child had passed away. But I'd prefer that over people trying to apply their life to mine right now. And if they can't then just tell me "I think of you."

I can actually see people who have children and try to talk to me actively avoid thinking about what they would be experiencing if this was happening to them. And I get it, because I'm living it. It is too much.

So then if you can't or aren't capable of imagining it, then don't try but go on that. "I can't even imagine because I don't want to think about what I would be going through if this had happened to my child."

You don't know how much healing and help saying that is to me right now. It validates my pain. And you'd be surprised that I do actually need validation sometimes.

I know that my pain can be a burden to some people, that they don't want to be around me right now because it is a lot. So when people validate that it's OK for me to be in a lot of pain, it's very helpful. Because we not only want to be healed for our own pain, we want to heal because we see other people's faces.

And I love that people care. I do. I'm just trying to help you, because I know you're trying to help me. I'm allowing people to understand. I guess?

PLEASE STILL AVOID SAYING;
-He's in a better place.
(Well I know, I'm stuck here, and I want to be with him, as opposed to feeling this way.)

-God needed him. or God needed another angel
(Let's think people, this is GOD we're talking about, and He doesn't need anything. And He could have looked down and seen him whenever He wanted. But I can't.)

- You'll get through this.
(We don't have much of a choice, and that stinks too.)

-I understand.
(AGAIN, unless you have lost your own child, NOT A GRANDCHILD OR NIECE OR NEPHEW, those, although you love them, are not your children, you really have no understanding of the pain that we are going through. And on top of that, you're not me so you aren't able to understand what I'm going through.)

I know people want to help. And instead of shutting people out, which is our instinct, I'm trying to allow people to do what they want. I guess?